Test results

I got the results of my biopsy today.

I have a skin cancer called known as Basal Cell Carcinoma. I am scheduled to have surgery to remove it on March 17th at 7:30am. The surgery I am having is called Mohs Micrographic Surgery and I have been told that I will have a scar from it.

I feel so selfish and stupid with being so upset about it. I mean, there are such worse cancers out there and the cancer I have won't even affect my health if I keep it, but the spot will get bigger or worse. I guess it is the fact that I just already have such a huge issue with my self esteem and I have a problem with loving my body and looks the way that they are and a scar on my face isn't going to make it any better.

But, I suppose it is a choice between keeping the red mark and watching it get bigger and bigger or getting a scar (which MAY NOT be so noticeable over time) that can be covered with make up as well.

I just can't believe that I got a form of SKIN cancer at the age of 24 (actually 22 because that is when the red spot first showed up). Its probably my fault for waiting so long to get it checked out (seriously kicking myself in the ass right now) but I didn't really think it was something to worry about. I was wrong, as usual.

The lesson from all of this. WEAR YOUR SUNSCREEN and get things CHECKED OUT if they are not going away! I have heard about all kinds of cancers in children as well as adults, but never sunscreen. Even my doctors said I was really young, but it is always possible. They also said that since I got it so young, I need to make sure I cover myself up when I go out in the sun since I am obviously so susceptible to skin cancer.

I'm really shocked right now, I didn't think that it would happen to me at least at not such a young age. But I should know from experience that cancer has no age.

I might have what?

I have had this blemish on and above my lip for awhile now (1 1/2 to 2 years). Honestly, I really didn't pay that much attention to it at first. I thought "its just a dry spot" or "its a blemish and it will go away soon". But it never did. I couple of times it turned into a pimple and I thought "Oh Finally! It's going to heal!"

But again, it didn't.



It has just gotten worse lately and, frankly, I started to get worried. It's not just that it is UGLY, but maybe it was something serious and stupid me had waited forever to do something about it. I made an appointment with my doctor who wasn't sure what it was. She suggested that I go see a dermatologist.

I went to my appointment on Wednesday to see the dermatologist. I thought they were going to look at it, tell me what it was (hopefully nothing serious) and then we would move on. Is anything ever that easy? Ah! She took a look at it and couldn't tell me what it was or what it might even be, besides skin cancer that is. She asked how old I was, if I wore sunscreen (YES! I'm super white and if I don't wear it, I burn!), and if I smoke (ew! No!) She even took a picture of it. Is that a good sign? I doubt it.

I'll spare you the gruesome details, but basically I had a shave biopsy and they took a chunk of it out to test it for cancer. Then they put a stitch to close it up. I go back tomorrow to get it taken out and hopefully find out the results of the test.

Now, I am no stranger to cancer. My dad had skin cancer from working out in the sun for years with NO sunscreen (shame, shame, shame!), my cousin had cancer, my grandpa has cancer, and we know other people with cancer.

My form of cancer would (I don't know if it is yet) not be as nearly close to serious as my cousin and grandpa, but its still really scary! They would probably have to cut all of it out! OMG! I have issues about my appearance already! I don't even want to imagine what I would look like after they take out a large area of my face.

Needless to say that I'm really worried. I hope its nothing and it already feels better about blogging about it, but I'm scared.

I love...

Subbing!

I can't believe that I was so terrified to sub in the first place. I was scared that I wouldn't know what to do, that I would freeze up in front of the students, or I wouldn't know how to do a problem. Guess what? I've been in all of those positions and I managed to make it through it all and I did it with style and grace! (Of course!)

I'm sure that the kids realized my mistakes when I made them. I told my brother about an instance in which I got up to teach a math lesson about dividing a decimal into a whole number and I realized (as I stood in front of my 20+ students) that I really didn't remember how to do it! It was just one problem that required me to do it because it was word problems (my own personal enemy). I quickly realized it and then told the students to try it out first and then we will go over it together (as a prayed in my head that SOMEBODY would know how to do it and could come up to the overhead and do it for the class). Yes, the teacher's edition DOES give you the answers, however, it does not tell you how to get there. Luckily, a little genius girl knew how to do it (score) and I had her to it on the overhead. After hearing my story, my brother told me that they probably realized I didn't remember how to do it and were probably laughing at me behind my back.

What? Are you kidding me? 5th graders! Oye.

Honestly, the thought hadn't crossed my mind that they would be making fun of me behind my back or at recess. But I'm used to second graders who, if you are nice to them, love to hang out in the class with you, help you, and love talking with you.

The whole conversation took me back to 6th grade science. One day we had a substitute, an older gentlemen, and kind of wacky. He had sat in chalkboard dust and it was all over is backside. I wanted to tell him, but I was threatened by a classmate (Kyle Jarnagan) not to! He told me that I needed to keep my mouth shut and not tell him because the whole class found it funny and that I would ruin it. I was completely mortified! Sure it was kind of funny, but it was the right thing to do to tell him. I didn't though because I was terrified that they would make fun of me and I would never hear the end of it. Kids are cruel like that.

I always felt so sorry for the kids that would be made fun of. I never joined in, but it wasn't until I got older that I started saying something to defend them. It was that fear of being made fun of too because you stood up. I can see it still too working within the school districts. Kids are made fun of and basically exhiled from the other students. You, as a teacher, can only say so much. In Kindergarten everybody are buddies. But then they get older and form "cliques" and kids are left out.

Oye! And it only gets worse.


So I got a little of topic, but I do love subbing, especially for the younger kids. Just yesterday I subbed and left with 6 drawings from the second graders.
I love it!

Tagged!

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.


1. I never thought I would like being married so much. I love being called somebody's "wife" and I just love being legally bound to the man that I love so much.

2. I would rather me a housewife and stay-at-home mom than work.

3. I'm actually like cooking and I think I might be kind of good at it! I really never realized how easy it was. I really should have started earlier.

4. I love hockey! I don't want to ever play it, but I love going to games and being right there in the action (within the first few rows). Oh and I love the fighting.

5. Shopping is the one guaranteed thing that can put me in a better mood. It can make me happy even if I don't buy anything!

6. Besides being a stay-at-home mom, my dream career would be a party planner. I absolutely LOVE to plan parties!

7.I love to read. There is nothing like getting lost inside the world of a great novel.

8. The Twilight series is my favorite book series. I, like every teenage girl in the world, is in love with Edward and wishes he were real. Sigh I am not ashamed, well, maybe a little

9. Whenever the time is right, I want to start having children. I can't wait until the day when I get to feel a life moving around inside of my belly. One day....

10. I am domestically challenged. I have a messy house and hate to clean. I have lots of clutter! I'm working it though.

11. I watch way too many TV shows, but I love each and every one of them! Especially Jon and Kate Plus Eight and the US of Tara.

12. I would love to be a contestant on "The Biggest Loser" but I don't want to wear only a sports bra on National TV.

13. I'm really big on celebrity gossip. (Yes, I am ashamed to admit it). I check www.people.com everyday for the latest!

14. I often use references to "Friends" and so does my husband. For example, I refer to him as "my lobster" just like Phoebe said of Ross and Rachel.

15. I would love to start swimming again. I miss it more than I thought I ever would.

16. I have two chinchillas, Sophie and Phoebe. They are amazing animals and have the funniest personalities.

17. I can touch my nose with my tongue and I have been able to do it since I was a baby.

18. I prefer handmade gifts over a store bought gift anytime. Some of my favorites were an album that my aunt made for me, the photo book of my wedding that my mom made me, and the scrapbook full of messages from my friend's that I got when I turned 21!

19. I love everything about pictures! I love taking pictures, even though I am not very good at it and I have boxes and boxes full of pictures. One day they will be organized.

20. I sometimes prefer to do things alone, such as: shopping and exercising. I like my "me" time. Does that make me a loser?

21. Change is hard on me. I wish I adjusted well, but I don't. It's another thing that I am working on.

22. I'm a pack rat. It's bad. I keep almost everything.

23. I love to travel, but I hate living out of a suitcase! I have been extremely lucky to go so many places and I hope to go to many more before I die.

24. My first, middle, and last name all have two syllables in them: April Marie Tyson. Crazy!

25. I found it extremely hard to find 25 interesting things about myself to share. I hope that many more people will do this. I tag you!

They call me Mrs. T

As usual I do not have anything very interesting to write about, but I did want to write about the events of the week.

Monday I was off and so was Jonathan. Instead of sulking that we should be working instead of sitting at home, we made it a positive day of togetherness. We ran some errands together, got our taxes done (we are getting a good amount back yay!), and had a wonderful dinner with friends. With the economy the way it is, it scares me that something could happen at any moment and Jonathan wouldn't have a job. I try not to let it bother me, but it is always there in the back of my mind.

Tuesday through Thursday I subbed for a school district other than Norris. The first day was Pre-K and I decided that I would NEVER do that again. Don't get me wrong, I love kids! They have a way off putting me in a good mood and I love to hear what they have to say. I only had seven kids and there was an aide, but I felt like I was going to pull out my hair. I like structure and lessons, but they just aren't at the right age for that. I couldn't even get them to sit down long enough to listen to a story! Oye.
I also subbed for somebody named Mrs. Melton. I have to tell you, that was really bizarre. I don't believe that we are related in any way, but I had the students call me Mrs. Tyson or Mrs. T because that's who I am now! =) I've noticed that the students of all grades prefer Mrs. T to Mrs. Tyson. I think it is funny.

Speaking of funny, I've noticed that every single class I teach asks me how old I am and it is always a boy asking. The other day, when I said I was 24, a student told me that I didn't look "that old". How could I not smile at that? Kids are so honest, its hard not to appreciate it, even if it hurts haha.

I had today off, which was a relief. I don't usually get called until 7:30 or sometimes even 8:30 (yesterday), so I have learned to get up, shower, and get ready before 7:30

just in case

. But I got to go back to sleep and I woke up feeling happy and refreshed.

I'm looking forward to the weekend when I get to spend some quality time with family and the hubby.

Okay this post is boring and has no point, so I'm going to end it.
Bye. =)