Summer time

Besides the hard times I've been having, I have had some fun this summer.

First of all, Jonathan has started to play hockey. He LOVES it and its great that he has a hobby that he likes so much!





I went to the beach to see my friend two times, within a three day period. This first time I went with my husband for the day and the second time I went with my friend, Brynna, and her kids for the day. I really can't wait to go to the beach again and it needs to be ASAP.
Trip with Jonathan:




Me and the kiddos



Looking for shells



So peaceful!



Mr. River. So cute.






Jill and me



The love of my life.



Shell collection





Trip with Brynna:

Avila Barn. Chickens everywhere!



Feeding the animals



Brynna the photographer =)






Eva's first trip to the beach! So precious!



My friends and their babies




I hope for many more adventures this summer.

Life is just hard sometimes

Sorry I've been MIA, but things have been really hard lately.
Normally I wouldn't post such a personal blog because blogs should really be happy and positive, but I need to get this out in order to heal.

The past 3 months have been very tough for me. May 11 I had a miscarriage. I was only 5 weeks but I was still devastated. We have been trying for over a year and it was my first pregnancy. I began the healing process knowing that it was best for the baby since it probably was not developing correctly. The body is amazing in that way. It knew the baby either wouldn't survive or would have a very hard life.

Four weeks went by and we found out that I was pregnant again! We were so excited and cautious at the same time. We had already been hurt and didn't want to go through it again. We had our first ultrasound and we saw the tiniest little baby. Too tiny to really see anything and my doctor told me I was about 5 weeks and to come back in 2 weeks for another ultrasound. So we scheduled another one on July 19 (our two year anniversary) because Jonathan already had it off. We went to the appointment only to discover that our baby was no longer there. It crushed me. The doctor told me I needed to have a D&C since it didn't look like the body was going to end the pregnancy naturally, so I had it yesterday.

I've been going through a lot of emotions and I'm completely devastated. I know that I meant to be a mother and that it will eventually happen for me, I just wanted this so badly. Most of my friends are either having babies or have already had babies. When will it be my turn to have a little one of my own?

Someday.