I got the results of my biopsy today.
I have a skin cancer called known as Basal Cell Carcinoma. I am scheduled to have surgery to remove it on March 17th at 7:30am. The surgery I am having is called Mohs Micrographic Surgery and I have been told that I will have a scar from it.
I feel so selfish and stupid with being so upset about it. I mean, there are such worse cancers out there and the cancer I have won't even affect my health if I keep it, but the spot will get bigger or worse. I guess it is the fact that I just already have such a huge issue with my self esteem and I have a problem with loving my body and looks the way that they are and a scar on my face isn't going to make it any better.
But, I suppose it is a choice between keeping the red mark and watching it get bigger and bigger or getting a scar (which MAY NOT be so noticeable over time) that can be covered with make up as well.
I just can't believe that I got a form of SKIN cancer at the age of 24 (actually 22 because that is when the red spot first showed up). Its probably my fault for waiting so long to get it checked out (seriously kicking myself in the ass right now) but I didn't really think it was something to worry about. I was wrong, as usual.
The lesson from all of this. WEAR YOUR SUNSCREEN and get things CHECKED OUT if they are not going away! I have heard about all kinds of cancers in children as well as adults, but never sunscreen. Even my doctors said I was really young, but it is always possible. They also said that since I got it so young, I need to make sure I cover myself up when I go out in the sun since I am obviously so susceptible to skin cancer.
I'm really shocked right now, I didn't think that it would happen to me at least at not such a young age. But I should know from experience that cancer has no age.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Test results
Sunday, February 22, 2009
I might have what?
I have had this blemish on and above my lip for awhile now (1 1/2 to 2 years). Honestly, I really didn't pay that much attention to it at first. I thought "its just a dry spot" or "its a blemish and it will go away soon". But it never did. I couple of times it turned into a pimple and I thought "Oh Finally! It's going to heal!"
But again, it didn't.
It has just gotten worse lately and, frankly, I started to get worried. It's not just that it is UGLY, but maybe it was something serious and stupid me had waited forever to do something about it. I made an appointment with my doctor who wasn't sure what it was. She suggested that I go see a dermatologist.
I went to my appointment on Wednesday to see the dermatologist. I thought they were going to look at it, tell me what it was (hopefully nothing serious) and then we would move on. Is anything ever that easy? Ah! She took a look at it and couldn't tell me what it was or what it might even be, besides skin cancer that is. She asked how old I was, if I wore sunscreen (YES! I'm super white and if I don't wear it, I burn!), and if I smoke (ew! No!) She even took a picture of it. Is that a good sign? I doubt it.
I'll spare you the gruesome details, but basically I had a shave biopsy and they took a chunk of it out to test it for cancer. Then they put a stitch to close it up. I go back tomorrow to get it taken out and hopefully find out the results of the test.
Now, I am no stranger to cancer. My dad had skin cancer from working out in the sun for years with NO sunscreen (shame, shame, shame!), my cousin had cancer, my grandpa has cancer, and we know other people with cancer.
My form of cancer would (I don't know if it is yet) not be as nearly close to serious as my cousin and grandpa, but its still really scary! They would probably have to cut all of it out! OMG! I have issues about my appearance already! I don't even want to imagine what I would look like after they take out a large area of my face.
Needless to say that I'm really worried. I hope its nothing and it already feels better about blogging about it, but I'm scared.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
I love...
Subbing!
I can't believe that I was so terrified to sub in the first place. I was scared that I wouldn't know what to do, that I would freeze up in front of the students, or I wouldn't know how to do a problem. Guess what? I've been in all of those positions and I managed to make it through it all and I did it with style and grace! (Of course!)
I'm sure that the kids realized my mistakes when I made them. I told my brother about an instance in which I got up to teach a math lesson about dividing a decimal into a whole number and I realized (as I stood in front of my 20+ students) that I really didn't remember how to do it! It was just one problem that required me to do it because it was word problems (my own personal enemy). I quickly realized it and then told the students to try it out first and then we will go over it together (as a prayed in my head that SOMEBODY would know how to do it and could come up to the overhead and do it for the class). Yes, the teacher's edition DOES give you the answers, however, it does not tell you how to get there. Luckily, a little genius girl knew how to do it (score) and I had her to it on the overhead. After hearing my story, my brother told me that they probably realized I didn't remember how to do it and were probably laughing at me behind my back.
What? Are you kidding me? 5th graders! Oye.
Honestly, the thought hadn't crossed my mind that they would be making fun of me behind my back or at recess. But I'm used to second graders who, if you are nice to them, love to hang out in the class with you, help you, and love talking with you.
The whole conversation took me back to 6th grade science. One day we had a substitute, an older gentlemen, and kind of wacky. He had sat in chalkboard dust and it was all over is backside. I wanted to tell him, but I was threatened by a classmate (Kyle Jarnagan) not to! He told me that I needed to keep my mouth shut and not tell him because the whole class found it funny and that I would ruin it. I was completely mortified! Sure it was kind of funny, but it was the right thing to do to tell him. I didn't though because I was terrified that they would make fun of me and I would never hear the end of it. Kids are cruel like that.
I always felt so sorry for the kids that would be made fun of. I never joined in, but it wasn't until I got older that I started saying something to defend them. It was that fear of being made fun of too because you stood up. I can see it still too working within the school districts. Kids are made fun of and basically exhiled from the other students. You, as a teacher, can only say so much. In Kindergarten everybody are buddies. But then they get older and form "cliques" and kids are left out.
Oye! And it only gets worse.
So I got a little of topic, but I do love subbing, especially for the younger kids. Just yesterday I subbed and left with 6 drawings from the second graders.
I love it!
Friday, February 6, 2009
Tagged!
Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.
1. I never thought I would like being married so much. I love being called somebody's "wife" and I just love being legally bound to the man that I love so much.
2. I would rather me a housewife and stay-at-home mom than work.
3. I'm actually like cooking and I think I might be kind of good at it! I really never realized how easy it was. I really should have started earlier.
4. I love hockey! I don't want to ever play it, but I love going to games and being right there in the action (within the first few rows). Oh and I love the fighting.
5. Shopping is the one guaranteed thing that can put me in a better mood. It can make me happy even if I don't buy anything!
6. Besides being a stay-at-home mom, my dream career would be a party planner. I absolutely LOVE to plan parties!
7.I love to read. There is nothing like getting lost inside the world of a great novel.
8. The Twilight series is my favorite book series. I, like every teenage girl in the world, is in love with Edward and wishes he were real. Sigh I am not ashamed, well, maybe a little
9. Whenever the time is right, I want to start having children. I can't wait until the day when I get to feel a life moving around inside of my belly. One day....
10. I am domestically challenged. I have a messy house and hate to clean. I have lots of clutter! I'm working it though.
11. I watch way too many TV shows, but I love each and every one of them! Especially Jon and Kate Plus Eight and the US of Tara.
12. I would love to be a contestant on "The Biggest Loser" but I don't want to wear only a sports bra on National TV.
13. I'm really big on celebrity gossip. (Yes, I am ashamed to admit it). I check www.people.com everyday for the latest!
14. I often use references to "Friends" and so does my husband. For example, I refer to him as "my lobster" just like Phoebe said of Ross and Rachel.
15. I would love to start swimming again. I miss it more than I thought I ever would.
16. I have two chinchillas, Sophie and Phoebe. They are amazing animals and have the funniest personalities.
17. I can touch my nose with my tongue and I have been able to do it since I was a baby.
18. I prefer handmade gifts over a store bought gift anytime. Some of my favorites were an album that my aunt made for me, the photo book of my wedding that my mom made me, and the scrapbook full of messages from my friend's that I got when I turned 21!
19. I love everything about pictures! I love taking pictures, even though I am not very good at it and I have boxes and boxes full of pictures. One day they will be organized.
20. I sometimes prefer to do things alone, such as: shopping and exercising. I like my "me" time. Does that make me a loser?
21. Change is hard on me. I wish I adjusted well, but I don't. It's another thing that I am working on.
22. I'm a pack rat. It's bad. I keep almost everything.
23. I love to travel, but I hate living out of a suitcase! I have been extremely lucky to go so many places and I hope to go to many more before I die.
24. My first, middle, and last name all have two syllables in them: April Marie Tyson. Crazy!
25. I found it extremely hard to find 25 interesting things about myself to share. I hope that many more people will do this. I tag you!
They call me Mrs. T
As usual I do not have anything very interesting to write about, but I did want to write about the events of the week.
Monday I was off and so was Jonathan. Instead of sulking that we should be working instead of sitting at home, we made it a positive day of togetherness. We ran some errands together, got our taxes done (we are getting a good amount back yay!), and had a wonderful dinner with friends. With the economy the way it is, it scares me that something could happen at any moment and Jonathan wouldn't have a job. I try not to let it bother me, but it is always there in the back of my mind.
Tuesday through Thursday I subbed for a school district other than Norris. The first day was Pre-K and I decided that I would NEVER do that again. Don't get me wrong, I love kids! They have a way off putting me in a good mood and I love to hear what they have to say. I only had seven kids and there was an aide, but I felt like I was going to pull out my hair. I like structure and lessons, but they just aren't at the right age for that. I couldn't even get them to sit down long enough to listen to a story! Oye.
I also subbed for somebody named Mrs. Melton. I have to tell you, that was really bizarre. I don't believe that we are related in any way, but I had the students call me Mrs. Tyson or Mrs. T because that's who I am now! =) I've noticed that the students of all grades prefer Mrs. T to Mrs. Tyson. I think it is funny.
Speaking of funny, I've noticed that every single class I teach asks me how old I am and it is always a boy asking. The other day, when I said I was 24, a student told me that I didn't look "that old". How could I not smile at that? Kids are so honest, its hard not to appreciate it, even if it hurts haha.
I had today off, which was a relief. I don't usually get called until 7:30 or sometimes even 8:30 (yesterday), so I have learned to get up, shower, and get ready before 7:30
just in case. But I got to go back to sleep and I woke up feeling happy and refreshed.
I'm looking forward to the weekend when I get to spend some quality time with family and the hubby.
Okay this post is boring and has no point, so I'm going to end it.
Bye. =)
Friday, January 30, 2009
Kids say the cutest and amazing things!
Today I subbed for a first/second grade combo. As fun as it was (it wasn't really), I don't think I could ever do something like that. I would gladly teach them seperately, but never together. During my subbing, I took the kids out for PE and saw the kids that I had subbed for the previous week. They remembered me (even my name!) and seemed very excited to see me. Which made me feel amazing!
After I subbed, I went by Norris to get on their "high priority" sub list and to maybe visit some teachers, especially the teacher I long-termed subbed for last year. The second I walked in the door I was greeted by smiling faces from the ladies in the office and it made me realize how much I've missed working there. I got on their list (Yay!) and made my way to my old classroom. On my way there I heard some kids yelling "Miss Melton! Miss Melton!" and I was extremely happy to see some of my old students. I have to admit this first, I get really attached to things, especially kids I saw 6 hours a day, 5 days a week for four whole months! I won't use names, but A and C were some of my favorite students and I was thrilled to see them. I haven't seen any of that class since I was there the last day of school last year! The told me they missed me, asked me if I got married and what my new name was, how they didn't like their new teacher, and then C said....
"There is something missing from my classroom. (I asked her what?) Well... one your personality and two your stuff"
She also said, "Give my teacher your phone number so that you can teach us again! I want you to be my teacher again!"
My heart completely melted. How is that not one of the sweetest things? It was then that I realized that maybe I actually am a good teacher and this is what I was meant to do. Obviously I have made some sort of impact with these students. They remembered my name after all!
Kids say the darnest things, but they can also say the most amazing things that can touch your heart.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Almost a whole month gone by without blogging? Shame on me!
Life, in a word, is perfect!
I fall even more in love with my husband each day.
Every day I am reminded what an amazing relationship we have and that we are perfect for each other in ever way. I am so blessed to have such an amazing husband. He works hard to support us and I love him so much for it. I'm truly the luckiest woman in the world.
Good news alert!
My sister and her husband have officially moved back to Bakersfield and I am completely thrilled!
I have missed her so much! I know it sounds completely "corny" but I love having my family all in one place! <3
In other good news two good friends of ours got engaged (to each other).
Congrats to Shandy and Micah!
Two other friends also got married! Friends that I set up. Oh yes, I take credit (and they also give me the credit haha) I love it!
I have been subbing a little more lately. I absolutely love it! So far at least. There is such a great feeling about teaching children. They are so loving too. I receive lots of pictures and love being called Mrs. Tyson or Mrs. T. lol
One day I will have a real "grown-up" teaching job. Hopefully they will start hiring again with the economy starts to get a little bit better. (Crosses fingers)
I have been doing pretty good about working out. I'm determined to get into better shape. I need to work more on my upper body, but I've been kicking butt with my cardio. I usually just did the treadmill and burned around 250-300 calories. But now I go on the elliptical machine for about 45 minutes and burn around 600 calories. (Patting myself on the back). It may not seem like a lot of some people, but I think that is pretty awesome! I turn up my Ipod, mouth the words to the songs (I may look weird, but it totally works to pump me up), and push myself through the pain. I really hope that is starts to show soon.
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Reflecting on 2008
2008 was a good year, but now that it is over it is time to reflect on it.
In 2008,
~ I was married to my high school sweetheart of nine years. Finally! Yes I know! Everybody says that, but we had a plan and we stuck to it.
~ I finally got real teaching experience that will help with my career.
~ I got back in touch with some friends that I had lost touch with and I lost a friend of many years.
~ Bought my first pet(s), Chinchillas! They are truly a joy and have such interesting personalities! They are interesting to watch.
Here is a month by month reflection of 2008!
I was determined to get into shape, to get organized, and prepare my life for my wedding. (I didn't work out the way I hoped). I started my full day student teaching and the last quarter until I finished my credentialing classes. I was stoked! I was put into a second grade classroom at my very own elementary school. It was hard at first, but I got through it. I was crushed when my supervisor told me that my classroom management needed work. (What did he know anyway?) But I was determined to improve myself.
I took over the class while the master teacher went on maternity leave. I was nervous. Me? Teaching a class my MYSELF? (Crap! How am I going to do this???). But I knew the kids, the rules, and how the class was run so I went into it with a tiny bit of confidence.
I celebrated my 9 year anniversary with Jonathan! Wow! I truly believe it is amazing that I have been with him for so long. It hasn't always been easy, but we've made it! I also finished my long term subbing job and I absolutely loved it. The job came with a load of stress and responsibility, but it was completely worth it for the experience. I really hope to do it again very soon.
I decided not to substitute and just concentrated on my wedding plans. I have to say, planning a wedding is one of the most stressful things anybody could ever go through. In between dress fittings, meetings with the photographer, meetings with the DJ, and the many trips to Cambria to meet with the baker, venue, and florist it was very busy for me. Besides, I was trying to get my butt into shape for the big day, but stress got the better of me and I wasn't able to look how I wanted to. (Oh well).
The beginning of this month was a blur up until the wedding. I was consumed with last minute details and making sure that everything was in order. I thought I was extremely well organized since I had mad a step by step guide for the people setting up the wedding, a checklist for everything I needed to take, and even one for Jonathan so he wouldn't forget. July 19 got closer and closer. We were blessed to have Jonathan's brother and his family come almost a week early to spend time with us before. I finally got to meet little Olivia and it was truly wonderful to have them there with us, even though I barely spent any time with them since I had errands to run. Jonathan's father came a few days before the wedding and it was quite the full house!
Our wedding was completely amazing and everything I could have hoped for. Everybody who cared about us was there and it was truly a beautiful wedding. I couldn't have asked for a more perfect day (minus the sunburn that lasted the entire honeymoon). I am truly thankful for everybody who helped with the wedding and everybody that joined us on our special day.
The honeymoon was amazing as well. The cruise was a perfect vacation for us. We got to relax (and trust me, the boat made relaxing extremely easy with the gentle rocking back and forth). We met some awesome people too (I wish I would have gotten their contact information!). Visiting Mexico wasn't my number one place to visit, however, it really made me appreciate what I have.
During these months I went to a wedding of two close friends, celebrated turning twenty-four, had an awesome Halloween party, and started this blog! (All of which you can read in previous entries.)
These months of celebration and family time were just what I needed. My family has gone through some tough things this year with cancer affecting two members of my family. It was the perfect time to celebrate the fact that they are currently cancer-free.
I am truly grateful for everything that I have in my life.
I gained, lost, and loved in 2008. It was a good year and I hope that next year will be even better than last year!
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Christmas time
Another month has gone by since I have blogged. Really I don't believe that anybody reads this, but I like having it for me. I want to be able to look back onto my blog and remember events from the past. If anybody else reads it, I guess that is a plus.
December was a very eventful month for me.
We decorated our tree the weekend of Thanksgiving. Jonathan wanted to get it up right away (sigh...he's the best).
The next weekend we went on a trip to Disneyland with my family. It was long overdue and an amazing trip! I can't wait until we are able to do it again!
Jonathan also celebrated his 26th birthday with an ice cream cake from Cold Stone, dinner with me, and dinner with friends.
Before Christmas we had a very interesting dinner for my Grandma's Birthday. It was a great opportunity to hang out with my cousins who I rarely see.
Our Christmas was in a word...Awesome. There is nothing more important to me than spending time with loved ones. It was even better because my sister and her husband were here with us. They were not able to join us last year. We were on a budget (just like everybody else) but we did our best. It was a truly amazing Christmas and even more special because it was our first Christmas as a married couple (sigh).
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Truly Thankful
Thanksgiving has come and gone again this year and I have so many things to be thankful for:
My amazing husband- He loves me for who I am, supports me, and cares for me more than I thought anybody could. He is my rock, the love of my life, and my lobster <3
My family- My parents, siblings, in-laws, cousins, aunts, uncle, grandparents, etc etc. I love them all and I am so thankful that each and every one of them is in my life. They support me and love me for who I am and who I have always been.
My friends- I mean every single one of them! They are my second family and my other support system. Each one of them has brought something amazing to my life and I don’t know where I would be without them.
I am also thankful to be alive, for my beautiful apartment, and my amazing life.
My Thanksgiving was, in a word, amazing! We went to my aunt’s mother-in-law’s house for lunch/dinner. It was delicious and I actually did cook a few things. That’s not saying that they were necessarily good, but I cooked nonetheless. I made the Biggest Loser’s Apple Crisp, fruit salad, sweet potatoes (that were a huge flop), and Jonathan made delicious deviled eggs. But I was happy to contribute. The day was spent cooking, visiting with family, playing Rockband, eating (of course) and planning for Black Friday. It was an amazing day, however, I wish my sister and husband would have joined us.
After dinner Jonathan and I went to Michael’s for a little pre-Black Friday shopping. YES they were open on Thanksgiving! I was thrilled because I got what I wanted and even saved an extra 20% on my entire purchase! (Score!) The lines were already starting to grow as we drove past the massive line of tents and people outside of Best Buy. Some people even had a big screen TV in their tent. I couldn’t imagine what could they be waiting in line for if they already had the massive TV.
Then we drove our full and tired selves back home and I went to bed.
Black Friday came very early and I dragged by tired self to Target at 5am. (I was aiming for 4am, but I hit the snooze a few times). I got a great parking spot on the left side of the store and then I realized why. The line started at the right door and went past Famous Footwear, rounded the corner, and headed down the street which is where I stood. I had it better off than some people though, especially the ones in the Walmart line (cringes at the thought).
The doors opened as promised at 6am and the line moved rather quickly. I rushed through the store to get my items and was surprised to find that there was no line waiting for me when I decided to check out. This, of course, was an extreme shock. Last year I waited in at least a thirty minute line at Target. My luck only got better when I went to Best Buy, found ALL the items that I wanted, and only had to wait five minutes to check out. Circuit City was a little less successful with some items I wanted gone, but I didn’t have to wait very long to check out. (Thank goodness!). I even went to the mall! Crazy I know, but I found a close parking spot and got out of there easily.
Some people did not have such a good day though. A Walmart employee was trampled to death by the anxious shoppers and I heard that pregnant woman suffered a miscarriage because of everything. However, despite the tragedies that come with the day and insane shoppers, I love Black Friday. These people come together for one common goal, to shop shop shop! They all want the same deals and our willing to get up in the wee hours of the morning to get it. They are all armed with their Starbucks, jackets, and hands filled with Black Friday ads. I love it all. I just stay away from Walmart because no good can come from it on Black Friday. Too good of deals=too crazy of people for me.
I spent the rest of the day with my husband and ended it with dinner with these amazing ladies. One who lives way too far away because of her career goals and the other who is leaving me for 2 weeks to fly thousands of miles away! But I still love them.
